Fear of My Dog : Solved!!!

So apparently my dog's unexplained shaking had nothing to do with the guests and nothing with me either.. sort of!

Apparently she was scared that i was taking her up for a bath! It seems that whenever she would be taken upstairs in the afternoon it usually ended with her getting a thorough scrubbing and that is what she perceived yesterday.

The mystery got solved today when my bhai took her upstairs for a bath and she was behaving the same way. Unfortunately she could not be bathed today, trust me it is unfortunate i'm the one she cuddles up to in the night, owing to the fact that the whole household was running late today and there was a veritable queue for the hot water!

lets see maybe tomorrow i'll do the honours!

Arrivals of Guests and My Dog's Fear

Funny as it is to receive guests in my house, its even funnier when my dog gets frightened of me because of them.

Why do you ask its funny to receive guests in my house? Well the answer is pretty simple, my family are generally regarded as social pariahs. We don't have enough of the money left to mingle around with the set we were with earlier and yet strangely we can't put our snobby noses down enough to mingle with the set that we actually belong to now. Yep, its the textbook Fallen Family.

Either way when these guests do arrive for some or the other activity the most furor is caused over my dog, which i really don't understand personally. She is a harmless creature who ADORES having new people around and subsequently is the nicest with them. But to the rest of the family (namely Dad and Bhai) she is the equivalent of a demon waiting with an ax inside the door, irrational fears as we all know are very prevalent throughout most of humankind.

So due to this irrational fear first Bhai goes ahead and ties her up, cruelly i might add because she can't move an inch in the way he has tied her. So i go to rescue her and try to take her upstairs where both of us can happily retire snuggling side by side, unfortunately this does not go as planned as for some unknown reason Cadu bolts like a bat out of hell in the middle of the stairs, luckily i have her leash in a firm grip so i manage to grab her and hoist her into my arms (not as easy as it sounds, she is HEAVY). Now this is where it gets confusing, i carry her till the balcony where i put her down and settle next to her on the floor and she is shivering like its 20 degrees outside, at first i assume shes cold and i put a blankie down for her but when she flinches when i stroke her i realize that she is really really frightened.

I open the balcony door to let her into the room and forget that i've left the door open, she runs away from the room and back into the drawing room where she ignores everyone and goes over to hide under the sofa.

Now i'm beyond understanding, what did i do? Maybe i yanked on her collar too hard while she was running and she got hurt... or what else?? if you gather any ideas lemme know!

Waiting and Frustrating

I never truly thought i would be in love enough to be frustrated when i did not meet my paramour as often as i would like.

But as it stands, i am REALLY frustrated.

Frustrated with his brother for falling ill.

Frustrated with his inability to stay awake for me.

Frustrated with the work that he must do.

This is a new thing for me, i was never someone who can hold onto the little happenings and incidents throughout the day and regurgitate them at the end of the day. If something happens around/ with me then either you get to know about it then and there or you don't get to know about it at all.

I have had to learn to remember things, incidents, occurrences etc. and recreate them as vividly as possible only in the evenings.

But i'm not complaining, if anything this practice at least improves my memory of the upcoming assignments!

But now to have those evenings taken away so callously? Its too hard to be borne. On the other hand i guess its a good thing that this happened, its providing us with experience for the times when i'll have my holidays. After all i can't spend every holiday away from my family on the pretext of one college thing or the other.

Only... i would have more distractions around when i would be in Delhi.

I love him and life was easier when i didn't but it wasn't happier than now.

Of Love

Singing in the joy,
Of morning more bright
For the light of love
Not one to be coy
Sparrows hopping left to right
Watch from above
Dangle like a toy
Such a lovely sight
Is the soar of a dove

Drunk Musing 2

Often i have wondered, and i think i will keep wondering if the Indian practice of keeping the kids to the house long after they have achieved maturity is a good decision or not.

I mean lets be truthful people, how do most of us spend our time at home? We certainly don't spend every moment of it in happy family quality time! In fact, most of (and being truthful- all the time we can) our time in home in our own respective rooms either wishing we were someplace else or more likely cribbing about why we couldn't be somewhere else.

In my opinion (so don't fucking jump on me you purists) this practice is only inhibiting the growth of any person as an individual. We never get to find out whether we are the way we are because we actually like it ir because there was no other way to be. In the rigid world of codes and conduct (don't wear shorts in front of your father, stop wandering bra-less in front of the servants) we dont really get to know whether we like the way things are, or whether we are just accepting it the way it is.

I mean its only once i got to hostel for my college i realized that i actually enjoy doing things for people (cooking, errand running, etc.) i never realized that it was something i liked while i was at home. At that time it was just the way things were, me as the youngest had to fetch and carry out orders of the elders, I never gave it a second thought because it was just the way things were but now i know that i like doing that for people i care about.

Just like i know that i don't like doing things just because somebody tells me, there has to be a good reason if somebody tells me not to do something or to do something. They have to justify why they're forcing me to do so. Whether it be for impressing the masses or for religious reasons or because they themselves are too lazy, whatever... it has to be known.

I can no longer accept everything and anything just because someone in my family said so, but if you look around many people will still cling to the notion that if a family member has said or suggested something then its one of the 10 commandments. But thats not true people! Family is close yes, but in the end you know yourself best! And also everyone needs to be their own decision maker in life, sure we need help from all sources in making that decision but the final verdict should be our own, family be damned! After all no matter how much your sister says that you dont have a green dress, green doesn't suit you! Then why even bother to have a single thing in green? Just cause she thinks its a tragedy that you don't have green, doesn't mean its a tragedy for you! You're the one whose gonna be wearing that dress not her!

So make your decisions people! Don't worry about parents, either they'll get used to it or they'll throw you out and use your friends to keep a track on you.

Either way you're covered!

Drunk Musing 1

In my drunk state of higher conscious, it strikes me, that the universal divide between the different generations will never be bridged. At least not anytime soon.

The elder generation is too firmly put in their belief that whatever they have experienced and the understanding they have of the world is so much more vast than that of the younger generation. While i do not contend that this, in fact, might hold true. I am strongly against the assumption that this holds true for everyone.

It is true that through sheer number of years, the elders have an edge over us newcomers in this existence, but to believe that they always know best is laughable and archaic in the extreme. This is not a new concept by any means, its actually verifiable to be a question as old as the question of diamonds or pearls, amply illustrated by the 1950s motion pictures in which the line "Aaj kal ke bachche" was immortalised and held up as a classic representation of parental disapproval continuing onto today's much more colourful world.

The world is getting older in its thinking at a much younger age, while it was unimaginable for any girl to even think the idea of applying kajal before reaching the hallowed middle school years. Now we see flavoured lip glosses, featuring the new favourite cartoon hero/heroine especially made for tender (not so anymore!) junior middle kids.

The generation gap will never go out of fashion, it is after all a classic disease that has withstood the test of time even better than terminal cancer. But all i would like to hear from my generation would be the promise to hear the future. To actually listen to them and understand the fact that the world is not getting any younger, its in fact getting more open and more liberated everyday. We are free today to dress and behave the way we did while we were in our 20s when we are in our 40s. It would be a sad sad way to thank the future mortals by suppressing them for a major portion of their lives, simply due to the egotistic thinking that 'because i'm older i know best'

Its time the world understands that The Gap is not bridged by tolerance or by pretence of acceptance or even acceptance without a deeper understanding.

To bridge The Gap we need to listen, listen truly to the concern and anxiety of the times. Listen and then make them know whether understand or not.

Don't Speak

You and me

We used to be together

Everyday together

Reminds me of the time i split with Debo. It was the theme song of my life at that time.

The split even though it happened sometime in march had actually begun way before in December, during the inter-NIFT Converge.

It was without a doubt the worst time of my life.

Its all ending

We got to stop pretending

Who we are

I got a glimpse into Debo unyeilding soul then, when she left me alone for the full 7 days of the said Converge.

All alone in a foreign place with different people ready to rag you at all times as soon as you stepped out.

I wouldn't want to wish that time on anyone i know, being like that without anything to do, without anyone to talk to, with the white walls of the dorm closing in on me, the vestiges of someone else's friendship stuck on the cupboard beside me.

With my head in my hands

I sit and cry..

I did that most of the time, actually everytime she would walk into the room and not even look at me. Or she would happily make plans with others without any attempt to be quiet about it.

The way she refused to talk to me even after i begged to know my crime.

Don't speak

I know what you're thinking

Don't tell me because it hurts

Thats what i thought when she finally told me after 6 days of insane torture.

Because i said a thoughtless remark about her lifestyle in her hometown. That was it. And it hurt. Like anything did it hurt.

I was ripped apart, piece by piece my disbelief was beyond the limits of the galaxy... for this? You killed me inch by inch for a unintended rude remark? My best friend?

I can see us dying

Are we?

That was the end. Even though i tried so very hard to forgive her later when we came back from the holidays. I couldn't. I just could not wipe out those 7 days of horror from my mind, the pain that was inflicted intentionally and brutally had burn't all the bridges in our relations.

Anything i tried to make would be a pale matchstick shadow of the original one.

And so we ended, childishly and very badly, mostly because of me as i was unable to explain to her face about what she had done. It wasn't something i could believe she didn't realize. I could not pretend like nothing had happened, though i could also not stop caring about her, i could not love her like before. Never.

lyrics -

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining

Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts

Thanks to lyrics007.com for the lyrics